


though the stars in your eyes are blinding (i can't help but stare)

by wnnbh12



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wnnbh12/pseuds/wnnbh12
Summary: Kelley didn't even want to go to Cal that night, but looking back it's the best decision she's ever made.  (Not that she'd ever admit that to Ali.)orThe story of Kelley and Alex through the years as told through the night of July 4th.(aka the Fourth of July au as it's been titled in my google doc for two months)





	1. July 4th, 2009

**Author's Note:**

> “So slow it down, you move a little too fast  
> You take a deep breath, you make this last  
> These should be the best days of your life  
> So right, so right tonight  
> I said we are wild and young  
> Oh, we are wild and young”  
> \--“Wild and Young” by American Bang
> 
>  
> 
> “just when i thought  
> i had it all under  
> control  
> you happened, and  
> you brought a different  
> kind of darkness  
> and in an instant  
> the stars just  
> appeared”  
> \--r. m. drake

“ _Why_ do we have to go to a party at _Cal_? Enough people stuck around this summer that there are plenty of good parties here with significantly less douche bags who think they’re better than everyone,” Kelley groans, still half asleep as she flops down on the couch in her townhouse she shares with her two best friends.

 

“Yeah, but the parties here don’t have Jordon Wheeler,” Christen says from the opposite end of the couch, pushing Kelley’s feet off her lap.

 

“Who is Jordon Wheeler?” Kelley asks at the same moment Ali warns, “Christen, shut the hell up.”

 

Christen smirks in challenge at Ali, ignoring her warning and spilling her secret to Kelley. “He’s this guy at Cal that Ali’s hoping to bang tonight.”

 

“Eww!” Kelley gaps, shooting up ramrod straight and staring down her roommate who’s perched on the granite countertop in the kitchen, halfway through a bowl of frosted flakes. “Are you kidding me, Ali? You’re crushing on a dude from _Cal_? Seriously? I had so much faith in you. How little do you think of yourself, honestly?”

 

“He’s cute, okay?” Ali complains around a spoonful of cereal, snapping her teeth at Kelley as menacingly as she can considering the cereal crunches each time and kind of kills the whole effect.

 

“There are plenty of cute guys here too, ones who aren’t entitled jack asses,” Kelley points out.

 

“Jordon isn’t like that, I swear. He’s kind and smart and he likes me. Just give me this _one_ night and I promise I’ll go to a party at the basketball house with you next weekend so you can admire from afar, but not talk to, that Chelsea girl you’ve been crushing on for months.”

 

“You’re _still_ hung up on her? She isn’t even that cute. She’s just tall and has a nice ass,” Christen complains.

 

“Honestly, what more do I need?” Kelley asks as she rolls her eyes. “I’ll go to this stupid party on one condition. Not only will you go to a basketball party with me, but you’ll also do my laundry for two weeks.”

 

“ _Fine_ ,” Ali groans.

 

“Damn, you must really want to get laid tonight,” Christen laughs. “Can I throw in my laundry to this deal as well?”

 

“No,” Kelley and Ali both say at the same time, though Ali’s word sounds much more bitter.

xxx

The party ends up not being so bad.

 

There’s far too much blue and gold for her standards and if she hears the damn Cal fight song drunkenly slurred one more time, she might end up punching one of the frat guys whose house they’re at, but all in all, it’s actually kind of fun. There seems to be an endless amount of kegs and so many cute girls that by the time Kelley’s midway through just her second cup of beer, she’s flirting harder than she ever has in her life.

 

She’d never admit it to Ali, but she’s actually having a good time.

 

About two hours into the party, Kelley’s made three laps around the ground floor of the party and flirted with just about every girl who wasn’t already taken. She needs a new challenge. She makes her way upstairs, where she’s seen a few people go throughout the night, and decides to see what the scene is like up there.

 

The first thing she notices is how much easier it is to breathe upstairs. It’s still hot, but without the thick press of people all around her, she can actually feel the air soothing her lungs. The second thing she notices is the wide open bonus room type area right at the top of the stairs. Two guys in muscle t’s are arm wrestling on either side of a coffee table with a crowd of people cheering them on. Kelley rolls her eyes at the immaturity and turns down the hallway instead. There isn’t really much else to be seen. All the doors are closed and judging by the sounds coming from the other side of a few of them, they’re occupied.

 

At the end of the hall, the dingy blue carpet ends and there’s a set of hardwood stairs that goes up to the next level. Kelley assumes it must be a loft or maybe an attic because based on the outside of the house, it definitely only has two floors. Maybe it’s her fourth cup of beer that makes her feel like snooping or maybe it’s boredom; she can’t explain it, but she just feels the need to go up the steps and see what’s up there.

 

Kelley thinks she hears someone crying after only six stairs. She stops in her tracks and holds her breath to try and hear better over the thumping music coming from downstairs. It takes a moment, but then there’s the distinct sound of sniffling followed by a choked sob. Yeah, someone’s definitely crying.

 

She knows she should just go back downstairs and forget about it. If someone’s up here crying, they obviously don’t want to be found. Kelley can’t help it, though. They’re young and beautiful and in college. It’s summer and they should be having the time of their lives, not crying in the attic of a frat house. Kelley, being the type of person she is, thinks that if there’s something she can do to help whoever’s upstairs, then she’s going to.

 

She takes the next few stairs slowly, worried about them creaking and not wanting to scare the person upstairs. When she gets to the top, she sees that the space is definitely more loft than attic, but barely. There’s carpet, a patchy leather couch and matching recliner with foam popping out at random places, and a mini fridge that’s making far too much noise to be normal. An old TV with a thin crack stretched across the screen sits on the floor across from the couch, but angled away almost as if someone just carelessly placed it. There are boxes stacked along one end as high as they can manage before the roof starts to slant. There’s a weird smell like stale beer and cheap deodorant and from what little light is filtering in through the small, circular window by the top of the stairs, the whole place is covered in dust, but those aren’t the things that catch Kelley’s attention.

 

Sitting on the couch, hunched over with her face buried in her hands, is a girl. Her shoulders shake as she cries and Kelley tries to ignore how muscular they are, how tan and smooth her skin looks under the straps of her tanktop. The girl is obviously upset over something, Kelley doesn’t need to be checking her out right now.

 

She knew she wanted to come up and check on whoever it was, but now that she’s here, she isn’t quite sure what to do. She’s got a feeling that any sort of noise is going to scare her, so when she speaks, she tries to do it as softly as possible.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

There’s a delayed reaction, as if it took the girl a moment to process that she really did just hear something, and then she whips around, startled.

 

Kelley thinks she may be the one more startled in the moment, though.

 

This girl is beautiful. Not like, four beers deep and things are starting to look blurry so she’s passably attractive, either. Kelley thinks she might be the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen. No. She _knows_ she’s the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen. Despite her tear stained cheeks and her red rimmed blue eyes, she’s breathtaking. Maybe it’s just the tears making her eyes look so blue, but they pull Kelley in, make her take a few hesitant steps towards the couch just to get closer. Her nose is long and narrow, ending in a little crease that Kelley can just barely make out due to the shadows. Her light brown hair is down, but there’s a small braid along one side that keeps her hair out of her face, even if just partially.

 

Kelley isn’t the type to get flustered. She’s brash and forward and she’s never met a challenge she can’t take. It’s not that Kelley doesn’t get afraid, because she does. She’s just gotten really good at channeling that fear into something more useful. Determination.

 

Now, though, Kelley’s nervous and try as she might, she can’t find a single damn thing that’s useful about it.

 

“Are you okay?” She asks again, thinking maybe the other girl will be more inclined to answer if she can actually see the person who’s asking the question.

 

Instead, she ignores it and asks one of her own in place of answering Kelley’s. “What are you doing up here?”

 

Kelley wasn’t prepared to be the one being questioned. She didn’t think she’d need to explain herself. “I uhm…I just--I,” she mumbles out, torn between taking another step closer or taking one back. The girl’s blue eyes are locked on hers so intensely she feels glued to the spot, unable to make up her mind. “I just heard you crying,” she finally manages to get out. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

“Well, you’re the only one here who cares about that,” she scoffs. She pulls up the bottom hem of her shirt and uses it to wipe away the tears under her eyes. Kelley forces herself to look away from her suddenly exposed stomach, not wanting to be a creep. “I’m fine, see?” She lets her shirt fall back down, smooths out her hair and then rises from the couch. “Good as new.”

 

“You don’t look fine,” Kelley says, voicing her thoughts without actually meaning to say them aloud.

 

The girl doesn’t seem offended by the comment, more so just amused. She studies Kelley for a moment, trying to size her up and figure out who this random girl who stumbled upon her in such a vulnerable moment thinks she is waltzing in and telling her she looks like a mess.

 

“Who even are you?” The girl asks, folding her arms across her chest and trying to appear a little taller. “I know it’s a big school, but the crowds at these parties are always the same and I’ve never seen you here before.”

 

“I’m uh…I’m Kelley.”

 

The girl kinks an eyebrow, letting Kelley know that’s clearly not the answer she wanted. “And where are you from, Kelley? Do you go to Cal?”

 

“No, I uh…I’m just visiting. I go to Stanford.” Kelley doesn’t miss the way the other girl’s eyes narrow in disgust at that. She tries not to take too much offense. This girl goes to Cal after all. She clearly doesn’t have very good tastes in schools. “My friend is friends with one of the guys in this frat.”

 

“The guys in this frat are pigs,” she says with a roll of her eyes.

 

“Is that why you’re up here crying?”

 

Kelley regrets the question as soon as she asks it. She doesn’t even know this girl’s name and she’s asking her personal questions like that? It’s none of her business why she’s crying. She just wanted to make sure she was okay and clearly she is, at least according to her, so if Kelley was smart she would just head back downstairs and forget this ever happened.

 

She can’t leave, though. She doesn’t know why, but she feels this pull to stay right where she is. It’s similar to the pull she felt to come up here in the first place. She doesn’t know what it means, but she’s a little too drunk to be able to fight it right now.

 

“Sorry,” Kelley rushes out before the girl can scold her for even asking. “It’s none of my business, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

 

“It’s fine,” she sighs. She plops back down on the couch and waves Kelley over. “Do you even know why they’re having this stupid party tonight?” She asks once Kelley has sat on the opposite end of the couch, a safe distance away from such a complete stranger.

 

“It’s the Fourth of July?” Kelley asks, oblivious. It’s so clear by the girl’s tone that isn’t the real reason for the party, but Kelley doesn’t even know what else it could be, so she just goes with it.

 

“My birthday was two days ago,” she scoffs. “My idiot boyfriend thought he would throw me a birthday party, but really it was just an excuse for him to get drunk and make out with some other girl. Well, ex boyfriend I guess. Happy fucking birthday to me.” She picks up a drink Kelley hadn’t noticed from the floor and takes a long pull. She grimaces as she swallows, but it doesn’t deter her from taking another sip.

 

“Happy birthday,” Kelley tells her, for lack of something better to say.

 

The girl chokes out a laugh, but she seems sincere when she says, “thank you.”

 

“So who is this jackass of an ex boyfriend? I’ll totally kick his ass for you. I don’t even go here so it’s not like anyone knows who I am. He’d never be able to press charges without knowing my name. It’s the perfect plan.”

 

The girl’s laugh is a little more genuine this time. She looks over at Kelley, her eyes more blue than red now, and smiles softly. “Thanks, but he honestly wouldn’t even be worth it. I don’t even know why I’m crying over him. I’m really just more upset that he moved on before I was able to break up with him.”

 

“Not a good relationship, huh?”

 

“Not in the slightest. I get it’s college, but going to parties together and watching him get wasted every weekend isn’t exactly my idea of quality time. I’ve got more important things going on in my life to keep wasting my time on him.”

 

“What important things might those be?”

 

When she looks over at Kelley this time, Kelley swears there are stars in her eyes when she says, voice full of pride, “I’m going to be a professional soccer player.”

xxx

Honestly, Kelley doesn’t really remember how they ended up in the park.

 

They were sitting on the couch up in the loft talking when suddenly, during a lull in the conversation, Alex--she’d finally told Kelley her name--stood up abruptly and told Kelley she was going to get out of there. Without really thinking, or even waiting for an invitation, Kelley got up and followed her.

 

Alex didn’t stop her.

 

After finding her friends and telling them she was leaving for a little while--Christen was holding court in the kitchen with some fellow psych majors she’d found while Ali and Jordon were taking down pair after pair of his fraternity brothers in beer pong--Kelley followed Alex out the front door of the house and down the sidewalk towards what Kelley _thought_ was the center of town.

 

They didn’t say anything for a while. They just walked in silence down the sidewalk, listening to the scraping of their shoes against the pavement and eventually, the increasing sounds of the celebration that was going on in the heart of town.

 

Kids were running around with cotton candy stained mouths and hands lit up by a seemingly endless amount of sparklers. There was so much red, white and blue, it looked like Uncle Sam had thrown up on the whole place. There were banners hanging from each storefront and streamers flowing in the breeze, pinned up to the tents scattered up and down the sidewalks.

 

Kelley bought a bag of blue cotton candy from one of the tents, tempted by all the kids she’d seen running around. Alex rolled her eyes as Kelley handed over the two dollars, but she didn’t hesitate to pinch off a large piece when Kelley offered her the open bag.

 

It should have been weird, walking through an unfamiliar town with an unfamiliar person, but for some reason, Kelley felt totally at peace. She still felt that comfortable draw that pulled her up those stairs towards Alex in the first place. She couldn’t explain it, but she just knew that he had to be here. She was supposed to be here. She _wanted_ to be here.

 

“What do you know about Jordon Wheeler?” Kelley asks, finally breaking the comfortable silence between them as Alex leads them through the community park, shoes crunching on the gravel path.

 

“Jordon? He’s all right, I guess. Why?”

 

“He’s the reason I’m here tonight. My friend has a thing for him and he invited us. She seems to think he’s pretty great, so I just wanted to find out if he really is. You said all the guys in that frat are pigs,” Kelley reminds her.

 

“Ah, so your friend’s the Ali he was drunkenly gushing about last weekend,” Alex says, finally making the Stanford connection between Kelley and the girl Jordon’s apparently been going on and on about. “He’s a good guy, really. And not all those guys are bad, I’m just bitter about what happened tonight. Your friend could do a lot worse, honestly.”

 

“Good,” Kelley hums.

 

Things go quiet between them again, despite the rest of the air around them being absolutely _alive_ with noise and energy. There’s a cheesy 80s cover band playing slightly out of tune across the park and there are still so many children (seriously, where are they all coming from?) running around, squealing in delight. The night is humid and there are so many people around them, crowds almost as dense as the one at the party, that honestly, it should be a little hard to breathe. But for some reason, Kelley’s never been able to breathe more easily in her entire life.

 

Alex knocks shoulders with Kelley to get her attention and then she steps off the path and sits on an open park bench, nodding at the space next to her for Kelley to join.

 

“So tell me more about this dream of becoming a professional soccer player,” Kelley says as she sits down next to Alex. She tries to ignore the way their thighs are pressed right up against each other on the too small bench. They’re both in shorts, though, and Alex’s tanned skin is so warm against Kelley’s leg that she honest to god starts sweating from the heat (it could just be the warmth of the night or maybe it’s the nerves, but she doesn’t want to think about that).

 

“It’s so much more than a dream,” Alex says, sounding annoyed that Kelley would even suggest it was something so silly. “I’m going to get drafted in two years, then I’ll get called up to the national team just in time for the World Cup and by the time the Olympics roll around the following year, my name will be one of the first ones on the list. The coaches won’t have a choice. I’ve worked my entire life for this and I’ve got a plan.”

 

Kelley takes advantage of the fact Alex is looking up at the sky and uses the moment to look at Alex. Her jaw is sharp, clenched as she, probably, grinds her teeth. She’s looking up at the light polluted sky like it has answers for her, answers that Kelley doesn’t even know the questions for, but yet Kelley finds herself furious that whatever gods are up in the sky won’t just tell Alex what she wants to know.

 

Out here in the moonlight, she’s struck again by just how beautiful Alex is. Honestly, who the fuck would ever cheat on her? She’s only known her for thirty minutes and she’d be willing to bow down at Alex’s feet and give her whatever she wanted. She’d drain her savings account to hire someone to roll a red carpet out in front of Alex wherever she went just so her feet would never have to touch the ground. And when she ran out of money, she’d roll out the damn carpet herself. If Alex asked her for something, she’d deliver as best she could and if she couldn’t, she’d keep trying.

 

She’s not an obnoxious type of beautiful. It’s not the type of beauty that Alex is overly aware of to the point that the knowledge makes her less beautiful. She almost doesn’t seem to be aware of it. She’s got to know she’s attractive, of course, but she seems humble about it. Or maybe the guy she was with never took the time to look past her beauty and make sure Alex knew just how great she was. Kelley’s going to go with the latter and not just because it fits with the narrative she’s cooked up in her head about how awful Alex’s ex is. She genuinely seems like no one’s ever made the effort to make her aware of just how special she really is.

 

The gods in the sky aren’t the only ones she’s angry with tonight.

 

“Having a plan sounds nice,” Kelley says eventually.

 

It takes Alex a moment to get back into the conversation. She blinks up at the sky a few times before she finally looks back Kelley. It’s another few seconds of looking over Kelley’s face before the glazed over look fades from her eyes and she seems to actually come back down to Earth. The way her blue eyes are sparkling right then, she doesn’t need to waste her time searching the sky for stars when she’s already got all she needs. Her irises honestly seem to _glow_ as she smiles at Kelley.

 

“It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted,” she says with a shrug like it’s as simple as that. Who knows, maybe it is. “So what about you, what do you want to do with your life?”

 

“Well, my answer isn’t quite as simple as yours,” Kelley says with a choked laugh. “If you asked my dad, he’d tell you I’m going to law school after I graduate next spring. If you ask my mom, she’ll tell you I’m going to grad school to become a physician’s assistant.”

 

“I’m not asking your parents, am I?” Alex scoffs, almost offended that Kelley didn’t just answer her question the way she wanted it answered the first time. She seems annoyed as she asks again, but it still seems sincere. She still genuinely wants to know what Kelley’s plan is. “Since I’m asking _you_ , what do _you_ want to do?”

 

“I want to be an environmental analyst,” Kelley says without hesitation. She’s never actually said those words aloud before, not even to herself. But for some reason, she’s comfortable enough around Alex to share this piece of herself she’s kept locked away from literally everyone else.

 

Alex smiles thoughtfully at her, happy that Kelley gave her the answer she wanted, and then she reaches back into the near empty bag of cotton candy and pulls about half of the remaining piece out. “I have no idea what that means, but you should do it.”

 

Kelley watches as she folds up the whole piece of cotton candy and pops it into her mouth. There’s a slight ring of blue around her lips that Kelley’s dying to taste. Kelley’s got a feeling the sugar isn’t the only thing that’s sweet about Alex’s lips. She really shouldn’t be staring, but she can’t help it. She blames it on the beer and the fact that she probably won’t ever see Alex again after tonight.

 

She’s suddenly struck with how absolutely _sad_ that makes her. It’s ridiculous, honestly. She’s known Alex for less than an hour, but already the idea of leaving her makes her heart break. She’s got a hotel room in town with Christen and Ali, so it’s not like tonight is the only time she’s got left with Alex, there’s still tomorrow morning if she can manage it, but it still isn’t enough. Earlier today, Kelley was cursing the fact that a school as detestable as Cal was so close to her precious Stanford, but now she’s wishing they were even closer. The 47 miles suddenly make her sick.

 

“Yeah, and why is that?” Kelley asks. “What makes you so sure that my plan is a good one?”

 

“Because you think it is. You’re deciding what you want to do for the rest of your life. Don’t let anyone else make that decision for you. If there’s something you want to do, then fuck what anyone else thinks. People are going to have their own opinions about you for the rest of your life, but the only opinion that matters is yours. If being an environmental analyst is what you want to do with your life, then do it. Anyone who says otherwise isn’t worth your time.” She’s got this look in her eyes while she speaks that to anyone else might make her look like she’s crazy, but Kelley knows it’s just that she thinks what she’s telling Kelley is important and she wants to make sure she knows.

 

“Well, fuck,” Kelley mutters without meaning to. She hadn’t been expecting such a serious turn in the conversation, but she can tell Alex means every word. Her sincere blue eyes match her pursed blue lips and Kelley knows there’s not an ounce of hesitation behind them. “That was heavy,” Kelley chokes out a weak joke, swallowing hard afterwards and really wishing she had bought a water or something when she got the cotton candy. The sugar and leftover aftertaste of beer has left her mouth sticky and her tongue thick.

 

“Sorry,” Alex says with a small laugh, grinning when she realizes how unintentionally profound she’d been. “I’m just used to people trying to tell me that being a professional soccer player isn’t ideal, especially as a woman. I don’t care what they say, though, you know? It’s what I want and it’s something I know I’m capable of, so why should their opinion matter to me?”

 

“You’re completely right,” Kelley says honestly. “I’ve got zero interest in being a PA and the thought of going to law school makes me want to flee the country.”

 

“Good, it’s settled then. I’ll be a professional soccer player and you’ll be an environmental analyst and years from now when we’ve made our millions, we’ll settle down and have a bunch of little babies and always teach them to go after their dreams.”

 

The mention of the two of them having babies makes Kelley blush, but at least this maybe confirms that Kelley stands a chance? Sure, it was a joke, but she seemed pretty determined about the whole settling down thing and didn’t seem too bothered by the idea of settling down with a woman.

 

“So first you’re helping me decide my career and then you’re insisting we get married and have kids? Buy a girl a drink first, would ya?” Kelley plays right along, wanting this conversation to last as long as possible.

 

“I didn’t mean marrying you. I just meant separately we’d have kids,” Alex corrects. (Well fuck. Not only did Kelley’s hopes get smashed, but so did her pride.) But then, Alex smiles and adds, “but if you’re offering, you’re totally my type so I wouldn’t be opposed.”

 

“Oh, I’m your type, huh? And what might this type be?” Kelley knows she’s dancing a fine line. Who even knows if Alex is actually into girls? She could still be joking, probably is, and Kelley might be making an even bigger fool out of herself. She can’t help it, though. She’s been in rare form all night on the flirting front and when a girl as pretty as Alex is willing to flirt with her, even if it’s just in jest, Kelley can’t pass up to opportunity.

 

“Hot,” Alex says simply.

 

Kelley definitely can’t hide the heat that rises to her cheeks at that, but she still tries as she reaches for the last of the cotton candy, willing it to melt as slowly in her mouth as possible as she balls up the plastic packaging.

 

“Hot? That’s your type? That’s all it takes to get the great Alex…whatever your last name is, to be interested?”

 

“Alex Morgan,” she tells her with a wink that tells Kelley she’d do best to remember that name, like it won’t be the last time she’s hearing it. “And yeah, pretty much, but you’ve got other attractive qualities about you that pull me in.”

 

“Yeah, like what?” She challenges.

 

The conversation up until this point has been light and fun, but something about the way Alex swallows hard before she answers tells Kelley it’s about to become a little more serious again.

 

“You’re kind,” Alex says.

 

“You got that from spending forty minutes with me? What was it that did it, was it the cotton candy?”

 

“It’s the fact you ditched a pretty great college party to come check on the crying girl up in the attic and then left to go walk around town with her. Most people would have heard me crying and then walked away, but you didn’t.”

 

“Maybe I was just being nosey,” Kelley suggests, but she knows from the way Alex’s blue eyes are piercing right into her heart that she already knows that’s not true.

 

“Yeah, maybe, but it doesn’t matter your reasoning. You still came up to check and make sure I was okay. That makes you kind.” She reaches out for Kelley’s hand and tangles her fingers with hers. “You also seem smart, you must be for your parents to have such lofty goals for you. I think you’re funny, too, though I have a suspicion you’ve been holding out on me on the humor front and I’m very disappointed.”

 

“I’ll make it up to you,” Kelley promises, her words barely above a whisper. She knows she’s just imagining Alex leaning in closer, but she lets her mind run wild with the possibility for a moment, enjoying the rush of excitement that shoots through her veins.

 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

 

It’s then, as Alex smiles brightly and looks at her with such sincerity, such promise, that the fireworks show begins. Alex’s face is suddenly a bright mix of color and Kelley wants literally nothing more than to lean in and kiss the smile right off of her face, but she doesn’t. She’s been drinking and Alex has been crying and was just cheated on only hours ago. It’s not the right time and she knows it.

 

Instead, she squeezes Alex’s hand tighter and turns to watch as the sky explodes with color, ignoring the fact that Alex spends the entire time watching her instead, the smile never fading from her face.

 

Alex holds her hand all the while.

xxx

“So, this is my place,” Alex says as she pushes open the front door to her apartment six blocks away from the park. “It's not much, but it's cheap, close to school and in a good part of town.”

 

It’s not a big apartment considering Alex said she lives here with two of her teammates, but it’s nice. Aside from the mountain of cleats by the front door and pile of navy gym bags with Cal’s logo printed on the side next to the shoes, the place is neat. (Not as neat as her place considering Christen compulsively cleans whenever she’s stressing over an exam, which is literally all the time, but it’s still clean.) There’s a small living room with a couch, two mismatched chairs and a coffee table that’s too big for the room, but considering there isn’t a kitchen table anywhere, it probably serves a dual purpose. The kitchen behind the living room looks like it can only fit one person comfortably, but all the appliances look new. The walls are a soft blue color that matches Alex’s eyes and the dark hardwood floors seem to be in good shape and make the place seem a little bigger.

 

“It’s nice,” Kelley tells her.

 

“You don’t have to lie,” Alex laughs as she drops her keys on a small table in the foyer. “Do you want a drink or anything? I’ve got wine, beer, gatorade and water.”

 

“Such a wide selection,” Kelley teases. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

 

“Cheap red wine it is, then. Make yourself comfortable.”

 

Alex makes her way into the kitchen while Kelley moves over to the living room to settle on the couch. It’s clearly a hand-me-down considering how worn the dark gray fabric is in some places, but it’s ridiculously comfortable and Kelley sinks into it immediately.

 

“So where are your roommates tonight?” Kelley asks. “Were they at the party too?”

 

“No, they both went back home for the summer, actually. Whitney works with her uncle over the summer helping coach a boy’s youth soccer team. They travel all over the country and play in tournaments. Sydney is staying with her boyfriend and his family in England for a few months.”

 

“You don’t get lonely here by yourself?” Kelley asks, adjusting her position so she can look over into the kitchen and watch as Alex’s stands on her tiptoes to reach a wine glass in the back of the cabinet. She does her best to keep her eyes off the strip of skin that reveals itself on Alex’s back. “Ali and Christen both went home the same weekend a couple weeks ago and I thought I was going to go crazy I was so bored.”

 

Alex laughs and rolls her eyes like she can already tell Kelley is the type of person that needs constant companionship to not go out of her mind. “I kinda like the quiet,” Alex shrugs. “Honestly, I’m not here a ton by myself anyway. I’m out training a lot during the day and Danny usually stays over most nights.” She goes quiet at the mention of his name, realization that he isn’t going to be staying over anymore flashing across her face.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry about that,” Kelley tells her, drawing her attention away from her thoughts. “I know you said it wasn’t a big deal, but breakups still suck, especially when you’ve been cheated on.”

 

Alex makes her way into the living room with a bottle of wine and two glasses and sits down right next to Kelley, leaving enough space so she can cross her legs under her, knees pressed against Kelley’s thigh. Kelley’s heart races as heat rushes through her from where half of Alex’s bare knee is below the hem of her own shorts, skin on skin. It’s too much, but suddenly there’s a wine glass pushed into her hands and she takes a large gulp so she’ll have something else to blame her flushed cheeks on.

 

“That’s good,” Kelley says, watching as Alex’s lips curl around the rim of her own glass, drinking much more slowly than Kelley did.

 

“It’s _cheap_ , that’s what it is,” Alex grins. “But it does its job.”

 

“So do you make a habit of inviting strangers back to your apartment when you’re practically living alone or did you just make an exception for me?” Kelley clicks her tongue and winks after the question, ever the charmer.

 

“Always,” Alex winks, following it up by adding, “besides, you’re not a stranger.”

 

“You’ve known me for like an hour, that doesn’t really constitute a friend. More like an acquaintance.”

 

“An acquaintance is still more than a stranger,” Alex points out, pointing towards Kelley with one of the fingers wrapped around her wine glass.

 

“Touche,” Kelley relents. “Seriously, though. It’s Saturday night. You’re young and hot. You could be so many other places right now and yet you’re choosing to be with me. Why?”

 

Alex’s eyes sparkle like she wants to call Kelley out on saying she’s hot, but she lets it go. “I’ve had enough parties to last a lifetime and my teammates who are still in town literally never stop talking about soccer. I mean, I love the game more than anything, but I have other interests too. For example, right now I’m interested in you.” She’s smirking as the words fall off her lips, like she knows the effect they have on Kelley. The smirk only grows the redder Kelley’s cheeks become. “Besides, one bad thing has already happened to me tonight so the chances of another happening so soon are pretty slim. I’ll take my chances inviting an acquaintance back to my apartment alone.”

 

“Well,” Kelley chokes out, swallowing down her nerves before trying again. “Good news for you is I’m only mildly crazy, so you should be safe.”

 

“Good to know,” Alex smiles. She pulls another slow sip, sets the bottle on the coffee table, and then turns back to Kelley, eyes darting around her face thoughtfully. “Tell me about yourself,” she says.

 

Kelley’s always hated that question. She minds it significantly less coming from Alex, of course, but she still doesn’t like it. It’s so open ended and every answer seems wrong somehow. She’s an open book to whoever wants to know, but she needs a more specific question in order to feel comfortable answering.

 

“Like what?” Kelley asks, hoping Alex will take the hint and clarify.

 

She does. “I don’t know, anything really. Where are you from? Do you have any siblings? What’s your favorite color? Your favorite kind of music? You favorite class you’ve taken? I’d like to hear anything about you.”

 

Kelley believes her with her whole heart.

 

“I’m from Peachtree City, Georgia, 30 minutes south of Atlanta. I’ve got an older sister, Erin, and a younger brother, Jerry. My favorite color is green. I’ll listen to any kind of music, which I know sounds like a cop out answer, but I’m serious. I love all kinds of genres. My favorite class was freshman Lit and not just because my professor was a total babe. She was brilliant and really opened my eyes to the world past my small town Georgia mentality. I’ve never been the same since that class and I’m a better person for it. Your turn,” Kelley challenges, taking another sip and nearly finishing off her glass.

 

Alex reaches for the bottle to refill Kelley’s glass as she takes her turn. “I’m from Diamond Bar, about six hours south of here. I’ve got two older sisters, Jeni and Jeri. My--”

 

“No way, your sister’s name is really Jeri? That’s awesome, it’s just like my brother.”

 

“Yeah, my dad really wanted a son,” Alex laughs.

 

“So you’re the baby of the bunch then? Makes sense, you kind of remind me of my brother,” Kelley says.

 

“I remind you of a _dude_? I’ve never heard that one before.” When Alex laughs this time, a little crinkle forms between her eyes and Kelley’s heart flutters at the sight.

 

“Hear me out, okay? He's really driven and he doesn't let people tell him how he should be. He doesn't like to focus on the bad things, instead he always moves forward and focuses on what lies ahead. He's kind and he's compassionate. Ringing any bells here?”

 

Alex smirks like she doesn't want to give Kelley the satisfaction of being right, but she can't deny it. “Okay, fine. I guess that is a pretty good comparison.” There's a flicker in her eyes like she wants to say something else, she even opens her mouth to start, but then she closes it again and swallows down whatever it was. “Anyway, my favorite color is blue. I really like chill, laid back music. I love singer-songwriters and lots of acoustic stuff, even some folk artists. I really like music that calms me down. My favorite class was probably Spanish last year with Mrs. Hernández. She’s this tiny little Cuban woman and the first day of class she told the story of how she and her older brother fled, but their parents had to stay behind. They never saw them again. Like what you said about your class, it just gave me a lot of perspective. Despite everything that happened to her, though, she's still such a sweet person. She comes to every home soccer game all decked out in Cal colors. She has this shirt she got made with all the names and numbers of any student she's had in class. She got us all to sign it so that when we’re ‘big time soccer players’ as she likes to say, she'll have proof she knew us before we were famous.”

 

“She sounds great,” Kelley muses. “So what else do you want to know?”

 

The next couple hours follow the same trend. They basically play 20 questions with each other, trading stories about their lives. Kelley’s never found it so easy to talk with someone she's just met. She's open with everyone in her life, but she's normally a little more withholding with strangers, or as Alex likes to say, acquaintances. It's easy with Alex, though. She doesn't even have to try. She _wants_ to tell Alex all these things. She wants to tell her everything. 

 

By the time they've finished off the bottle of wine, Alex is loose and light. She's got a constant smile on her face and her hands keep reaching out to touch Kelley--fingertips brushing her face, gripping her shoulder while she laughs, aimlessly tracing patterns on the inside of her arm while she listens to Kelley speak. Her legs are in Kelley’s lap as she stretches out on the couch. Kelley pretends she doesn't notice the way Alex’s eyes linger on her hands when they settle across the tops of her bare shins. 

 

Kelley’s enjoying herself and she never wants the night to end, but then Alex is yawning more than she's speaking and Kelley knows it's time to part ways. She pulls out her phone to check the time and finds it dead, so Alex checks hers and announces it's nearly midnight. Kelley knows Christen, and possibly Ali if she isn't currently occupied with Jordon, is probably freaking out back at the hotel wondering where she is. 

 

Alex sighs when she realizes their night is coming to a close, but she moves her feet out of Kelley’s lap and takes the glasses and empty bottle back to the kitchen while Kelley uses Alex’s phone to call a cab. Once she hangs up, she tries to hand Alex her phone back, but Alex won't take it. 

 

“I don't want that back until your number is in it,” Alex tells her, crossing her arms so she really can't take it back. 

 

Kelley rolls her eyes as she pulls up Alex’s contacts and adds her number. She calls herself afterwards so she'll have Alex’s when she finally gets her phone charged and then she hands it back into Alex’s now accepting palm. 

 

“I had fun tonight,” Alex says. “This is definitely not how I saw this night going and it really kind of sucked at first, but you turned it around. So, uh…thank you, I guess.”

 

“You don't need to thank me. I had fun tonight, too. I was dreading having to come to Cal, honestly, but you made it worth it,” Kelley grins. She feels like such a sap, but she needs Alex to know how important tonight has been to her, how grateful she is they got to meet.

 

Alex takes a half step forward and hesitates, but then she thinks over it again for a moment before she takes a bigger step and wraps Kelley up in her arms, hugging her close.

 

Kelley melts faster than the cotton candy on her tongue earlier. 

 

Kelley wraps her arms around Alex’s waist and tucks her head under her chin. She can't believe how easily, how comfortably, she fits there. She breathes in the smell of Alex’s skin and underneath the beer from the party and the sweat from being out in the heat of the night watching fireworks, there's something sweet, vanilla maybe. Whatever it is, it makes Kelley dizzy. 

 

When Alex pulls away, it's too soon, but Kelley let's her. There's an awkward moment of silence where Kelley wants nothing more than to pull Alex back in and Alex clears her throat, fingers twitching like she wants to hold Kelley again as well. 

 

“You, uh, you want me to walk you downstairs to wait for your cab?” Alex asks, her eyes betraying her, letting Kelley know the last thing she wants to do is to let Kelley leave. 

 

Kelley doesn't want to leave either, but she also knows if she doesn't, she'll do something stupid (like kiss Alex’s perfectly pink lips and taste the wine on her breath--god, she's got it so bad).

 

“No, I'm okay. You seem tired, you should get to bed.”

 

Alex opens her mouth to protest, but she only ends up yawning. “Okay, fine. You're right,” Alex relents. “When you get back to your hotel charge your phone so I know you got back safe, all right?”

 

“Okay, _mom_.”

 

Kelley leaves, her chest tightening with each step she takes away from Alex until it feels like the next time her heart beats a little too hard, it'll crack her chest right open.

xxx

“Where the hell have you been? I've called you like twenty times.”

 

Christen’s sharp voice accosts her the moment she steps through the door to the hotel room the three of them got. She jumps up from the edge of one bed where she’d been fiddling with the TV remote the second Kelley steps through the door. Ali is nowhere to be found, which is exactly what Kelley had been expecting to happen tonight. However, she hadn't been expecting to be interrogated when she got back. 

 

“Dude, chill,” Kelley says, brushing past Christen into the room. She flops back on the bed she was ‘supposed’ to, but was clearly never going to, share with Ali, stretching out her limbs as far as they'll reach. “I told you I was going to watch the fireworks with Alex. I didn’t realize my phone had died.”

 

“That was five hours ago!” Christen exclaims, her tone indicating just how annoyed she is that Kelley doesn't see how big a deal this is for her. 

 

“Chris, relax,” Kelley says gently as she sits up, realizing now that her anxious friend has probably been nervously pacing the room for at least a couple hours wondering where she was. “We just got caught up talking, I'm sorry. I should've asked to borrow her phone to let you know I'd be back later, but I was distracted and honestly didn't even think about it. I'm sorry,” she apologizes again. 

 

That seems to appease Christen, who let's out a big sigh and then drops to the edge of Kelley’s bed. Her eyes still look annoyed as they study Kelley, but then there's a moment where realization flickers across them and they turn curious. 

 

“What do you mean you were distracted?”

 

Kelley blushes at what Christen’s implying. As much as she wishes she could confirm her suspicions and tell her she hooked up with Alex, she can't. She definitely could have, at least she's _pretty_ sure she could have, but she decided to put it off. She'd just found out she was cheated on and broke up with her boyfriend hours before. It wasn't the time. 

 

“It definitely wasn't for the reasons you're thinking,” Kelley insists, shutting down Christen’s next questions before she can even ask them. “We were just talking and then I walked her back home and we talked some more before I realized how late it was and I caught a cab back here. It's not a big deal.”

 

“Not a big deal?” Christen scoffs with one eyebrow raised. “Kell, you spent the entire drive up here going on and on about how you were going to find some girl to hook up with to distract you from the fact you were spending the night at Cal, then you find one and spend five hours alone with her, but you don't do anything but talk? This girl must be something special.”

 

“She is,” Kelley says immediately, before considering if she even should. She can't help the smile that creeps across her face as she thinks about her night with Alex. She's never felt so connected to another person. She misses her already and it's only been twenty minutes. 

 

Christen shakes her head, a knowing look on her face like she's figured Kelley out, and says, “you know Ali is going to give you so much shit for harassing her about liking a dude from Cal when she finds out you're crushing on Alex, right?”

 

“Whatever,” Kelley laughs. “It'll be worth it.”

 

Christen leaves her alone then and goes back to trying to figure out the TV while Kelley plugs her phone in and gets ready for bed. When she gets back to her bed, she picks up her phone to let Alex know she got back and finds she already has a text waiting for her. 

 

[Alex: 12:27 AM]  
 ** _I had a lot of fun tonight,,we  
should hang out again. I'd  
never be caught dead at  
Stanford but we'll figure  
something out I'm sure ;)  
sleep well,,we’ll talk soon. :)_**


	2. July 4th, 2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “While I’m off chasing my own dreams,  
> Sailing around the world  
> Please, know that I’m yours to keep  
> My beautiful girl”  
> \--“The Girl” by City and Colour
> 
> “and tonight nothing makes  
> sense. except the way you  
> look at me and the way your  
> eyes make me feel.”  
> \--r. m. drake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for the wonderful response to this, i'm really excited about it and can't wait to share more with you (so excited that you'll notice it's now set at 10 chapters because your comments inspired me to plan in another)
> 
> let me know what you think!

“I can’t believe you’re making me spend our last day together, our one year anniversary may I remind you, packing so that you can leave me for four months,” Alex complains as she flops back on Kelley’s bed, not bothering to straighten out the pile of freshly folded jeans she nearly sends tumbling down beside her.

 

“Al, our one year anniversary isn’t until October,” Kelley points out, moving the jeans away from Alex so she won’t have to refold the entire stack all over again. There’s a reason she never worked retail and it’s not just because she’d be bored out of her mind.

 

Her mom’s been trying to teach her proper folding technique since she was seven and it just never stuck. The iron her mom bought her when she first went off to college has been her best friend through the years considering all her clothes are always a wrinkled mess when she pulls them from the drawer.

 

She’s an adult now, though. She has an adult job--well, _internship_ , but still. She needs to learn how to keep her clothes neat enough that not every single article of clothing she owns needs to be ironed. She can manage that much. At least she _thinks_ she can.

 

“No, October is just when you finally worked up the courage to kiss me. Today is one year since I fell in love with you.” She rolls over on her stomach, chin propped up by her hands and bats her eyelashes up at Kelley, trying to appear as charming as possible.

 

Kelley rolls her eyes and pokes at Alex’s wrist until her chin drops. “You’re such a cliche. Love at first sight? Really?”

 

She’s trying to appear unaffected by the thought, but really it turns her insides to mush thinking back on that first night. She might not have completely fallen in love with Alex that night, but she knows she definitely came close. The fireworks, the sincerity, the mentions of dreams, the _ease_ of the whole night, it all mixed into a cocktail more potent than Kelley had ever experienced, one that was absolutely lethal to any chance Kelley had of ever being interested in anyone else.

 

From the moment Kelley first saw her that night, it’s always been Alex for her.

 

Always.

 

“Don’t make fun of me, I’m being serious!” Alex complains, moving to sit up on her knees so she can scoot even closer to where Kelley is standing by the edge of her bed. Her hair is up in a messy bun, but she pushes the hair that’s hanging down in her face away, revealing those gorgeous blue that knock Kelley flat on her ass every time. “I never said it was love at first sight, by the way. I looked at you a lot that night before I fell in love with you. It wasn’t until I was watching you watch the fireworks that it happened. I may not have realized it at the time, but that’s really the only explanation for what I felt in that moment.”

 

Kelley wants to tease her for being a sap, brush off the emotional conversation with a laugh, but she can’t. She knows exactly what Alex is talking about. She felt it that night too, whether she’s able to admit it or not. She did a good job that night, at least by her standards, of denying she felt anything for Alex other than initial attraction, but a year later her resolve is wearing thin. She thinks she probably fell in love with Alex the moment she smiled at her and told her of her dreams of soccer stardom. Those goddamn eyes of hers sent shooting stars right into Kelley’s heart, tethering her to Alex eternally with their tails of stardust. 

 

“I know,” is all Kelley needs to say for Alex to understand that she gets it. She gets it completely. 

 

Kelley can’t be held responsible for the events that transpire following that moment. She has absolutely no restraint at all when Alex bites her lower lip and Alex knows that fact well enough by now to know what she’s doing when she pulls Kelley on top of her.

 

The pile of jeans gets carelessly kicked to the floor, along with the rest of the contents in Kelley’s suitcase, but she can’t be bothered by it. She’ll gladly refold it all later and iron it once she’s in DC if it means Alex keeps touching her like she is.

xxx

“It’s just four months,” Kelley says for probably the thousandth time since she got offered her internship in DC.

 

It doesn’t pay much, but it comes with a rent free apartment for her duration there and a company issued rental car to share with her roommate who’s interning in the engineering department, so it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up. She’ll be doing the type of job she could only dream about a year ago and she knows how proud Alex is despite her complaints.

 

“You keep saying that like it’s eventually going to seem less significant than it is. You’re going to be _three-thousand_ miles away from me for _four months_. There’s no ‘just’ about that,” Alex whines, leaning over to steal a bite of Kelley’s cookie dough ice cream even though she _insisted_ she didn’t want any. (There’s a reason Kelley made sure to get the next size up and it has nothing to do with Kelley thinking she could actually eat that much ice cream and everything to do with knowing Alex would end up stealing half of it.) “Not to mention the fact you’re rooming with a cute girl,” Alex adds with a transparent grumble.

 

“Oh, you think Luciana is cute, huh? I’ll be sure to let her boyfriend of six years know you think so,” Kelley teases. She tries to pretend she’s annoyed at Alex stealing her ice cream by gently knocking her hand away and then says, “in a few weeks you’ll be so busy with soccer you won’t even realize I’m gone.”

 

“You take that back right now,” Alex gasps, offended Kelley would even joke about such a thing.

 

“It’s true!” Kelley insists. “There was a two week period last season where you barely spoke to me because you were so busy with soccer.”

 

“I wasn’t _ignoring_ you. I was _avoiding_ you,” Alex corrects, calm and casual while she steals Kelley’s spoon again for another bite.

 

“Wait, what?” Kelley asks, startled by the revelation. She stops dead in her tracks and almost gets run over by a frustrated mom pushing a baby stroller behind them while she chases after a rambunctious kid with an American flag mylar balloon tied around his wrist. Kelley doesn’t pay the scene any mind, focusing instead on Alex’s face, gauging her expression, while she asks, “what do you mean you were avoiding me?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes as she sits down on the first empty patch of grass she finds not overrun with hyperactive kids with hands sticky from melting bomb pops. She doesn’t even bother to pat the spot next to her because she knows Kelley will follow, which she does barely a second later.

 

“I was annoyed you were ignoring all my hints and refusing to ask me out, so I maybe wanted to be a little petty about it and thought avoiding you for a while might make you come to your senses.” Alex shrugs as if this revelation isn’t a big deal at all. “It was then that I realized you’re obnoxiously oblivious.”

 

Kelley’s mouth is gaping in shock, she’d had no idea that had been Alex’s intention. She hadn’t thought anything was wrong at all, just assumed she was busy with soccer. Alex always liked to tease her about how oblivious she was about realizing Alex was interested in her before they got together, but she never knew it was this bad.

 

“So you’re telling me you _purposely_ avoided me for two weeks just to try and get a reaction out of me?”

 

“That’s literally what I just said, loser. Try to keep up.” Alex reaches over and takes the styrofoam bowl of ice cream completely out of Kelley’s limp hand.

 

“And how did that all work out for you?” Kelley asks, trying to get the upperhand somehow.

 

“It was awful,” Alex groans around a mouthful of cookie dough batter. “I was planning on waiting you out until you finally realized something was wrong, but I’m weak and couldn’t last longer than two weeks without talking to you. You’re just so goddamn addicting.” She rolls her eyes at the last sentence, trying to make it seem like it actually bothers her just how obsessed she is with Kelley.

 

Kelley knows it’s an act.

 

“In all that time did you ever think about, oh I don’t know, maybe just making a move yourself?”

 

“I did! Kell, babe, I literally made out with you one night and you pretended it didn’t happen the next morning.”

 

“You were drunk!” Kelley defends herself. She remembers that night. Alex had definitely been drinking for hours before Kelley dragged her back to her townhouse and insisted she slept. She’d felt awful about reciprocating the kiss considering Alex was drunk, but she was just so _persistent_ she couldn’t help but give in for a couple minutes.

 

“I was stone cold sober,” Alex deadpans. “Damn, you’re even more oblivious than I thought.”

 

“I can’t believe you’ve lied to me all this time,” Kelley grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest and sliding a few inches away from Alex, grass stains on her shorts be damned.

 

“I can’t believe you couldn’t tell how hopelessly in love with you I was,” Alex counters, clearly not fazed at all by how annoyed Kelley is. She scoops up a large piece of cookie dough and waves the spoon tantalizingly in front Kelley’s face until she stops pouting long enough to actually open her mouth. “It’s not a big deal, babe. We’re here now and that’s all I care about.”

 

Kelley can’t even manage to keep up her insulted front for more than another couple seconds before her frown is cracking into a smile and she’s rolling her eyes. “God, I can’t believe how whipped you’ve got me,” she mumbles in false complaint before she leans in and kisses Alex soundly, ignoring the group of kids nearby that giggle at the scene.

 

“How much longer until the fireworks start?” Alex asks when they finally pull away. Her interest turns back to the ice cream, determined to finish it before it all melts.

 

Kelley looks at her wrist, which is bare of a watch, and then looks back up at Alex. “Just long enough for you to pull out your phone and check for yourself,” Kelley jokes.

 

“You’re so mean to me,” Alex grumbles, but she takes out her phone anyway. “We’ve got like ten minutes.”

 

They both focus their attention to the now dwindling amount of ice cream and finish it off in comfortable silence. These are the moments Kelley likes best with Alex, the flirting, the teasing, the easy silences that follow. She doesn’t feel the need to constantly be _on_ for Alex. They’re both perfectly happy just being next to each other without the need to entertain.

 

Kelley’s never really had that with anyone else. Even with her friends and family, there’s always an underlying desire to want to impress whether it involves outdrinking Ali’s boyfriend, Jordon, or taking turns just a little too sharply when racing her brother on golf carts, daring him to be as risky as she is. Not with Alex, though. With Alex, she never feels like she needs to be anything other than exactly what she is.

 

“You know,” Kelley finally says gently, breaking the silence. “I did actually have something special planned for tonight, even if I don’t technically consider it to be our one year anniversary.”

 

“Really?” Alex cocks one eyebrow up in intrigue, narrowing her eyes just the slightest bit to challenge Kelley into revealing her secrets.

 

“Yeah, it wasn’t elaborate or anything. I was just going to take you up to Berkeley so we could watch the fireworks in the same park we did that night, but there’s a construction project or something going on across the street so they moved the celebrations somewhere else. I still considered taking you, but it wouldn’t have been the same. I was pretty bummed about it, honestly.” She really had been looking forward to it. It wasn’t a _huge_ deal that it didn’t work out, but it was something she’d had her sights set on and so she was disappointed when the plan fell through.

 

Alex uses her nose to poke at Kelley’s cheek until she lifts her head and she can reach her lips. She kisses her softly, bringing up a hand to rest against the side of her neck for a moment until she pulls away. “Thank you for thinking of that. It was really sweet,” she whispers. “But that night wasn’t important to me because of where we were, it was because of who I was with. Watching the fireworks with you here is just as good, I promise.”

 

“That was a good line,” Kelley says. “Leave it to you to take my romantic revelation and steal the spotlight for yourself. What am I going to do with you?” Kelley wrinkles her nose as she grins at Alex, kissing her once more before leaning back again to rest on her elbows.

 

Alex watches her for a few moments. It’s nighttime, but there are so many lights on lining the sidewalk through the park that Kelley can see the way Alex’s eyes start to become glassy with tears the longer she watches her. Kelley shoots back up and wraps an arm around Alex, pulling her in close.

 

“Hey, we said no tears. Not today at least,” Kelley reminds her softly.

 

“I know, I’m trying not to.” She reaches up and wipes at the corners or her eyes, blinking quickly and swallowing down whatever tears are still trying to escape. “I’m just really going to miss you, you know?”

 

“I know, sweetheart, but it’s just four months, right? Then I’ll be back in Berkeley with you and you’ll see me so much you’ll be sick of me after a week.”

 

“I could never,” Alex swears.

 

“I know,” Kelley whispers, understanding completely what Alex means. There’s no such thing as too much Alex, there could never be. Too much is never enough when it comes to her. No matter how much time she gets, she always wants more.

 

Always.

 

“What if these four months are just a preview of what we’ll have to go through after I get drafted, though? I could be signed across the country. Or maybe I’ll get signed local, but you’ll get a job somewhere else. What are we going to do?” Alex asks, her frantic voice increasing in pitch the more she speaks.

 

“Stop it,” Kelley chastises. “We’re not talking about this right now, okay? We’ve got time before that happens and there are so many factors in play that there’s no point in even talking about it because there are so many possibilities out of our control that we’re just going to stress ourselves out if we do. All you need to know is that I love you and we’ll figure the rest out when it comes, okay?” When Alex doesn’t answer her right away, she leans in and kisses her ear, then her jaw, then her chin, then she bites at her cheek until Alex finally caves in.

 

“Okay, okay, okay,” she laughs. “We’ll figure it out later.”

 

“For the record, though, you do know that no matter where you get drafted, even if it’s time zones away from me, you’re going, right? I know it’ll be hard, but I’m not going to let you throw away your dream just to be with me. It’s important to me that I make sure you know that.”

 

Alex’s eyes tell Kelley she wants to protest, wants to tell Kelley she’s crazy and she’d give everything up for Kelley if she needed to, but she knows she wouldn’t. She knows Kelley would never let her even if she tried.

 

“I know,” Alex whispers. “It’ll be hard if we’re apart and I’ll hate every second of it, but it’ll be okay. I hate to break it to you, but you’re kind of stuck with me always.” Alex shrugs her shoulders and adds, “sorry,” in a tone the proves she definitely isn’t.

 

“Oh no, that sounds torturous,” Kelley teases, rolling her eyes and feigning misery. “How will I ever manage dealing with you forever?”

 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’re the smart one after all.”

 

“If I’m the smart one and I’m also the pretty one, then what does that make you?” Kelley asks.

 

Alex narrows her eyes in challenge, but only for a moment before she leans in and whispers right in Kelley’s ear, “I’m the one who’s hopelessly in love with you.”

 

“I can accept that,” Kelley grins. She tells Alex she loves her too, but neither girl can actually hear the words on account of the fireworks that explode right at that moment. The crowd around them gasps and the children squeal in delight, but Kelley can’t be bothered to actually look away from Alex and up at the colors lighting up the sky.

 

She kisses Alex, intense and determined. She tries to convey everything she’s feeling--the words she can say and the ones she can't, the quiet voices in her head that tell her to be worried about losing Alex, the clearer, more confident ones than tell her they'll be together always. She kisses Alex until she's breathless and Alex pulls away gasping. 

 

“You're missing the show,” Alex says, sucking in as much air as she can. 

 

“I'm seeing everything I need to,” Kelley tells her, looking right in her eyes. 

 

“You're such nerd,” Alex laughs, but she kisses her again anyway.

xxx

**July 5th, 2010**

 

Kelley wakes up the next morning feeling hungover despite not having had a single drop of alcohol the night before. Waking up at 7:30 after staying up until nearly 4:00 AM making love to the girl of her dreams, the girl she’s not going to see for the next four months, will have that effect.

 

When she opens her heavy eyes and sees Alex curled against her side, she's five seconds away from picking up her phone, calling her new boss and telling him there's no way she can leave California. She can't bear the thought of leaving Alex, it makes her sick. But then, Alex opens her brilliant blue eyes and Kelley knows there's no way Alex would ever let her stay, no matter how much she wants her to. 

 

“Good morning, my love,” Alex whispers, nestling her face into Kelley’s shoulder. 

 

“I'm leaving you today, how can it be a good morning?” Kelley grumbles. 

 

“Hey,” Alex chastises softly, lifting her head and propping herself up on an elbow. “Don't think like that, okay? You're not leaving me, you're embarking on this great opportunity, one you can't possibly pass up.”

 

“And also leaving you,” Kelley adds, refusing to let it go. She's tired and cranky and Alex is warm and soft beside her. She can't help being grumpy about having to leave. 

 

“But you're coming back,” Alex insists. “Come on, I know this sucks, but we're going to be okay.”

 

“How are you being so level headed about this when last night you were the one complaining and I was the one talking you down?”

 

“I think you fucked all the fight out of me last night,” Alex grins, leaning down to kiss Kelley soundly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she pulls away. “Come on, we've got to shower and get you to the airport.”

 

“No,” Kelley whines, pulling the covers over her head and inching her way down until her lips brush Alex’s bare stomach. “I just want to stay here with you forever and never leave,” she whispers against warm skin.

 

“Yeah, but if you get up now, then I’ll have time to go down on you in the shower before we have to leave,” Alex bargains.

 

Kelley’s out of bed and in the bathroom before Alex can even finish her sentence.

xxx

“Kell, it’s time to go!” Alex calls from the living room. “You’re going to miss your flight, come on!”

 

“I’ll be right there,” Kelley shouts back from Alex’s bedroom.

 

She’s tucking a letter underneath Alex’s glasses case on her bedside table where Kelley knows she’ll find it later today as she’s packing up her things to go back to Berkeley. There are others all around Alex’s apartment that Kelley gave to Whitney to hide while they were gone, just index cards with words of love scrawled across them in Kelley’s narrow writing. She may not be back for a few months, but that doesn’t mean she can’t still be here in some capacity. She can see already the way Alex will smile, and maybe cry a little, when she finds them. She just wishes she’d be around to see it in person and kiss the tears away with a matching smile.

 

Alex starts singing the Jeopardy theme song, loudly and out of tune, until Kelley finally drags herself away from her bedroom, grabbing Alex’s favorite gray Nike sweatshirt from the dresser on her way out.

 

“You’re like, ridiculously obnoxious, you know that right?” Kelley asks as she makes her way into the living room and Alex finally stops singing.

 

“Yeah, but I’m hot enough to get away with it.” Alex winks. “What took you so long?”

 

“I was trying to find this,” Kelley half-lies, holding up the sweatshirt.

 

“Kell, I don’t need that. It’s like 80 degrees out.”

 

“No, I know. I’m stealing it for myself. I want something with me in DC that smells like you and this is the only thing you have in my dresser that isn’t Cal related,” Kelley explains.

 

Alex smirks, flattered that Kelley wants the sweatshirt, but also amused that she refused to take any of her Cal ones. She knows better than to expect anything less, but she seems to still find it funny.

 

“You finally ready to go?”

 

“Yeah, I just need to do one more thing.” She reaches forward and pulls Alex against her chest, kissing her hard before Alex is even able to catch up with what’s going on.

 

She parts Alex’s lips expertly with a smooth swipe of her tongue and even though Alex has brushed her teeth and had a cup of coffee since their time in the shower, if Kelley tries hard enough, she can still taste herself on the back of Alex’s tongue. _God_ she’s going to miss that these next few months.

 

Alex tries to resist, still anxious about Kelley missing her flight, but when Kelley bites down on her bottom lip, she goes weak in the knees and melts into Kelley for support, all thoughts of airports and internships forgotten. Kelley doesn’t know how long they stay like that, long enough for her to have to suck in a shaky breath to remind her body what oxygen is.

 

“What was that for?” Alex asks, just as out of breath as Kelley is. She’s resting her forehead the crook of Kelley’s neck as she breathes deeply and she still hasn’t opened her eyes, wanting to live in the moment as long as possible.

 

Kelley swallows hard to steel herself for what she knows she needs to say next. She doesn’t want to, but she knows it’ll save them both pain if she does. “I don’t want you to drive me to the airport,” she rushes out.

 

“I know, I don’t want to either. I wish you could stay here with me all summer, but you can’t,” Alex says, clearly missing the point.

 

“No, I mean I called for a cab when you were making coffee. I don’t want you to take me.”

 

Alex finally lifts her head from Kelley’s neck, eyes snapping open and confusion clouding her features. “What do you mean you called a cab? Why would you do that? I told you it was no problem for me to take you. Sydney is still in LA with Dom so we aren’t training until tomorrow. I won’t miss anything.”

 

“No, I know. That’s not what this is about, it’s just…” Kelley sighs, this is so much harder than she thought it would be. “Alex if you take me to the airport, if you help me with my bags and walk me as far as security will let you go and then I have to say goodbye to you, then I can’t promise I’ll actually get on that plane. Knowing that when I kiss you goodbye there I’ll be heading towards my gate and you can’t come with me, I just can’t do it. It’s too hard. If I say goodbye to you here, though, then I can pretend it’s a normal Monday morning and I’m just headed to class while you’re going back to Berkeley for a few days or something. We’ve done that a hundred times at this point. I’ll be able to lie to myself long enough that I’ll actually be on the plane when it hits me and I can’t come running back here because I’m too weak to even think about being apart from you.”

 

“Dammit, Kelley. I hate how much sense that makes,” Alex groans, tilting her head back and blinking her eyes furiously, surely trying to will away tears. Kelley’s familiar with the feeling. “Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want me to take you?”

 

“I knew if I did that I’d have too much time to talk myself out of it. I hate springing this on you, but it’s the only way it would actually work.”

 

“I love you,” Alex whispers, leaning in to kiss Kelley again.

 

This kiss doesn’t last nearly long enough. Alex’s tongue is just finding its way into Kelley’s mouth when a car honks outside and they jump apart, knowing it’s Kelley’s cab.

 

“This hurts so much more than I thought it would,” Alex chokes out, tears finally managing to break free of her eyes. Kelley does her best to wipe them away despite the fact she’s got her own matching ones.

 

“I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay? And before I got to bed and every night after that too.”

 

“I better wake up to a good morning text from you every morning,” Alex says. She’s teasing, but she’s also serious on some level, just hoping that Kelley will agree, which she does.

 

“Every morning, I promise.”

 

Alex tries to kiss her, but then the cab honks again. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you? This cab driver seems like a real jerk.”

 

“I’m sure I’ll be okay,” Kelley laughs, reaching for her bag.

 

Alex grabs her other bag, as well as her carry on, insisting if she can’t take Kelley to the airport, the least she can do is carry her bags to the cab. The cab driver actually seems quite nice, albeit a little grumpy maybe from being up so early. He puts Kelley’s bags into the trunk, giving Kelley and Alex one more chance to say goodbye.

 

They kiss quickly this time, not wanting to put on a show for the driver. When Alex hugs her after their lips break away, she holds onto her for dear life, like she thinks if she holds onto her just a little tighter she’ll be able to keep her with her forever.

 

“We’ll both be so busy the next four months will fly by,” Kelley whispers against the skin on Alex’s neck, kissing the pulse point every three words. “Then I’ll be right back here before we know it.”

 

“I’ll be counting down the days,” Alex replies, earning a small laugh from Kelley at the lame line. “No, I’m serious. I bought a calendar for the fridge and I’ve got a countdown going on.”

 

“You seriously bought a calendar just so you could have a countdown?” Kelley asks, leaning back so Alex can see her kinked eyebrow.

 

“Have you met me? This really shouldn’t surprise you.”

 

“Fair enough,” Kelley relents. She kisses Alex’s forehead and then she steps out of her grasp, knowing if she doesn’t do it now then she never will. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” She says because it sounds so much better than ‘goodbye.’

 

“I’ll see you soon,” Alex nods. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too, Al. Always.”

 

Kelley gets in the cab finally, though her feet feel like lead as she walks away from Alex. She can’t believe how much it hurts. When she was nine, she was at the river with her family, taking turns swinging off a rope stretched out over the water and she let go of the rope too soon on her first try. She some rocks in the shallow water, breaking her arm and cutting her forehead so badly she needed seven stitches to patch it back up. At the time, it was the worst pain she'd ever experienced in her life. 

 

This hurts worse.

 

As the cab drives away from Kelley’s townhouse, she watches Alex waving on the sidewalk for as long as she can and hopes she never has to leave her like this again.


	3. July 4th, 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I got a whole lot of life to live  
> And I need you to always be a part of it  
> I choose you  
> I wanna wake up to you every day  
> And I promise that I’ll never keep my heart away  
> I choose you”  
> \--“I Choose You” by Barcelona
> 
> “i taught her how to  
> dream and she taught  
> me how to love and we  
> saved each other the  
> moment we began to  
> believe.”  
> \--r. m. drake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys probably thought i forgot about this huh? that's probably bc i did a little bit but i'm back now!
> 
> i wanted to post this yesterday, but then i figured today is just as good of a day to post it, especially since it's referenced
> 
> this chapter is still kind of rough, i haven't edited it much because i wanted to make sure i got it posted tonight

**July 2nd, 2011**

 

“Alexandra,” Kelley says in a singsong voice as she eases down onto the bed. “Wake up, beautiful.”

 

“No,” Alex grumbles, trying to pull the covers over her head, but Kelley isn’t having it. She yanks them back down and Alex is still half asleep, so she can’t manage to fight her off. “Why are you doing this to me?” She complains like Kelley is performing some torturous act on her and not just trying to get her out of bed.

 

“Because it’s your birthday and I’ve got plans.”

 

“If your plans involve anything other than lying in bed all day with your tongue between my legs, then I don’t want any part of them.”

 

Kelley blushes, but she counters with a line of her own. “I've definitely allotted a few hours for that, but not until later. Now come on, I've got a surprise waiting for you in the kitchen.”

 

“If your surprise involves anything other than you in a skimpy lingerie set, then I don't want--”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you don't want any part of it. I get it, now let's go. Get your cute ass out of bed or the lingerie set I did actually buy for later is getting taken back to the store and you'll never even see it.”

 

That's enough to finally get Alex out of bed. 

 

After washing her face to rid herself of the makeup she was too lazy to take off last night after getting back from the bar for an early birthday celebration with her teammates, Alex begrudgingly follows Kelley down the hall from their room to the kitchen. Alex lets out a small gasp when she sees what's waiting for her. 

 

The kitchen table--normally covered in stacks of forgotten mail and half folded laundry--has an entire breakfast buffet spread out across it. There's Alex favorite banana-Nutella pancakes and peanut butter chip-chocolate chip waffles. There's a plate piled high with bacon and another with the maple ham they've both become obsessed with since they've moved to Vancouver. There are both sweet potato home fries and hash browns because Alex can never decide which she likes best. There's also a bowl of all of Alex’s favorite fruits cut up into little heart shaped pieces--strawberries, mangos, pineapples and kiwis. 

 

“You did all this?” Alex gasps out, laying a hand over her heart. 

 

“Of course I did, babe. Anything for your birthday.” Kelley kisses Alex’s cheek and then whispers in her ear, “just don't scoop too deeply in the fruit bowl because only the top layer is hearts. I lost my patience and just cubed the rest.”

 

“How dare you not painstakingly cut every single piece of fruit into a heart? You just ruined my whole birthday,” Alex teases. 

 

“I'm pretty sure you're joking, but honestly I've been stressing about that since I cut my finger and gave up on the hearts, so I'm going to need some sort of validation that you actually love it,” Kelley says, her voice high pitched and thin. 

 

“Is this enough of an answer?” Alex pulls Kelley in by grabbing a fistful of the front of her blue Vancouver Cascades shirt and kisses her solidly on the mouth, teasing her tongue at Kelley’s bottom lip before she pulls away. 

 

“I'm just gonna need a little more confirmation.” Kelley leans back in, using the drawstring on Alex’s pajama pants to hold her close. It only lasts a few seconds, but Kelley lets out a content sigh when Alex pulls away with Kelley’s bottom lip between her teeth, so Alex knows it was enough. 

 

“Seriously, thank you. This was way too sweet of you, but I really didn't need all this.”

 

“Maybe you didn't, but I did. You know waffles are my favorite hangover cure,” Kelley pouts. 

 

“You poor thing, did someone drink a little too much last night?”

 

“For as friendly as they are, those Canadians go way too hard.”

 

“I'd think you knew that by now after four months here.”

 

“Yeah, well Chappy continues to surprise me. Now hurry up and eat before this all gets cold,” Kelley says, reaching for a plate and handing it to Alex. “Birthday girl first.”

 

“Thank you, Kell.” Alex takes the plate with a quick kiss to Kelley’s cheek and then looks over the table just as her stomach rumbles, deciding where to start first.

xxx

After breakfast, Alex just wants to lounge around since they don't have practice today and she wants to take full advantage. Kelley’s hesitant at first but it seems forced. After some serious flirting on Alex’s part though, Kelley agrees they can fit some relaxation time in the schedule for the day. They sprawl out on the couch, Alex's feet in Kelley’s lap as always.

 

Fifteen minutes into an old episode of Beverly Hills: 90210 Kelley sighs loudly and Alex knows exactly what it means without even having to look over at her. 

 

“Kell, if you want to turn the game on you can,” Alex tells her, finally looking over to meet her eyes. 

 

Kelley’s eyes are hesitant. Her fingers twitch by the remote, wanting to reach for it and change the channel. She's chewing on her bottom lip and that's what tells Alex just how worried she is. 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Why wouldn't I be sure?” Alex asks dumbly. It's totally obvious why she wouldn't be sure but she doesn't want to outright admit that. She wants it to seem like this isn't as big of a deal as it is. 

 

“Because I don't want it to be too painful for you,” Kelley needlessly explains. “It's your birthday and I want today to be a good day.”

 

“Kelley,” Alex says, suddenly serious. “I know the only reason you agreed to ‘changing your plans’ is because watching the game was already in your plans but you wanted it to be my idea. So just turn the game on. I'm fine.”

 

“You're _sure_?”

 

Alex could be snarky with her reply, Kelley knows that, but Alex visibly bites her tongue before she answers. “Yes, Kell. I'm sure.”

 

To show just how sure she is, Alex reaches for the remote and turns the channel herself. Then she tosses the remote onto the coffee table so it's out of reach for both of them. 

 

The anthems are just wrapping up and Kelley pretends not to notice the way Alex swallows hard and blinks furiously to stop tears from falling as the final chords of “The Star Spangled Banner” fill the room and the crowd erupts in cheers. 

 

Kelley knows how much Alex wishes she were with her teammates, standing proudly on the world stage as her nation's anthem plays. She's listened to Alex talk about how much it means to her and seen first hand the emotion it evokes in her in the two games she managed to get minutes for with the team earlier in the year. Alex had nearly cried both times. 

 

She cried so much harder when she got cut from the final roster. 

 

“Next year,” Kelley says just before the kick off whistle blows. “Next year in London, that's going to be you.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

Her words are quiet, nearly drowned out by the whistle and the crowd as the ball is kicked into play, but those three words ring around Kelley's ears long after the crowd finally settles down. 

 

They watch the game in relative silence, that is until the 12th minute when Heather scores a screamer and Alex literally jumps off the couch in celebration. She pauses suddenly afterwards, like she’s forgotten she’s supposed to be acting bitter, and then sits back down, though this time she’s leaning forward a little so she can be more engaged.

 

They’re still pretty quiet, but Alex forgets herself more the longer they watch and will shout out encouragements and curses when appropriate. Kelley feels less and less guilty for cheering on the team that Alex should be a part of.

 

Kelley will never forget the way Alex’s voice cracked when she called Kelley from camp and told her she got cut from the team. She was so broken in that moment that Kelley was on her laptop looking up the earliest flight to Tampa so she could hold Alex, but then Alex told her she’d be on a flight back to Vancouver the next morning and convinced Kelley not to waste her money.

 

She was more devastated than Kelley cares to remember in the days following the news, she laid around the house and had a constant, steady stream of tears rolling out of her eyes that Kelley had to go to the store and get more tissues at one point.

 

But then one morning, Alex woke up early, she laced up her running shoes and Kelley didn’t see her again for over two hours. Her clothes were dripping sweat and she had grass stains and already forming bruises all over her legs from a pickup game she joined with a bunch of highschool boys she stumbled upon, but she was also smiling. Kelley hadn’t seen her smile in days. She knew then everything was going to be okay.

 

Since then, Alex has been training harder than Kelley has ever seen her and working her ass off to show the national team coach she made a mistake. It’s just unfortunate that her club coach will never give her a chance.

 

It wasn’t until six games into the season that Alex even saw any minutes at all and even then it was barely five. She was only brought on to help close out a 3-0 win and keep Houston’s exhausted midfield busy enough that they couldn’t formulate an attack. She barely had seven touches, but she made sure to do her best with the time she was given.

 

She hasn’t played a single minute in the three games since.

 

The season certainly wasn’t going Alex’s way and it all started with the draft.

 

She’d all but been guaranteed a spot on the new expansion team, the San Jose Aftershocks, roster. They’d been after her since before the team was even officially announced and essentially promised her their first pick in the draft, a starting spot and that she'd be one of the main faces of the team. It had almost sounded too good to be true. 

 

And it turned out that it was. 

 

The star midfielder from Duke announced she was staying in the domestic league instead of going overseas two weeks before the draft and then San Jose dropped all their attention in Alex. A few other teams reached at her in the days leading up to the draft but by that point most of them had firm ideas of who they wanted to draft or already had enough forwards that no one really had room for her. 

 

She ended up being the 22nd pick, two away from being the last pick in the second round. She was devastated that none of the other teams seemed to have as much faith in her as San Jose did in the beginning, but she was grateful for the opportunity Vancouver gave her so she was determined to make the best of it.

 

It made things even better that Kelley was able to get a job in the same city. Moving to a new place, in a new country even, scared Alex, but knowing she’d have Kelley by her side made everything better. Alex never asked Kelley to come with her, she couldn’t do that, but the moment Alex was drafted, she was looking up jobs in and around Vancouver.

 

They found a nice apartment in between the stadium and Kelley’s office. They each made friends at their respective jobs, and even a few mutual ones not associated with work from going out. They’re happy and in love and most importantly, they’re together. Things are going so well for them relationship-wise.

 

Now if only Alex could say the same for her career.

 

Before the season started, the national team coach called her to wish her good luck in her rookie season and told her he’d be watching her games with the World Cup roster in mind. That call had scared some of the other rookies, but it only fueled Alex in a way she can’t explain. It made her train harder. It made her eat better. It made her watch practice tape more closely. By the time the first game came around, she was determined to leave her mark on the team.

 

The only problem is her coach won’t let her.

 

They’ve got a pair of Swedish and German strikers on the team who are two of the best in the world and because of it, Alex is more of an afterthought to her coach. He praises her in practice so she knows she’s doing well, but competing against two world-class strikers isn’t an easy task. 

 

Alex was hopeful that with the World Cup starting and the European strikers getting called up that she’d finally have her chance, but then her coach changed the formation up from a two front to a lone striker and a more established player got the role instead of her.

 

It’s been a difficult pill to swallow and Kelley knows the lack of playing time is likely why Alex got cut from the World Cup roster--and she knows Alex knows it--but she still has faith that Alex will have her breakthrough moment.

 

She just wishes she could convince Alex of that.

xxx

After the game, Alex seems to be in a much better mood. As bitter as she is about not being on the team, they’re still her team and she of course wants them to do well so watching them win is bound to get her in a good mood.

 

It’s good she’s in a better mood because the next part of Kelley’s plan involves physical activity and considering it’s Alex’s off day, it’s much easier to convince her to go along with it when she isn’t angry.

 

They’ve been in Vancouver for four months and they’ve barely ventured too far out of the city. They keep making plans to explore but Kelley really only has her weekends free and Alex usually has games on the weekends so they haven’t been able to actually execute any of these plans.

 

Alex has a random Tuesday evening game this week though and her coach gave them an off day so Kelley wants to take full advantage, which is how an hour after the game ends, Kelley and Alex find themselves in the middle of the forest at Pacific Spirit Regional Park. Alex only agreed because Kelley promised her there were walking trails and she wouldn’t have to exert too much energy. That of course doesn’t stop her from challenging Kelley to races on the flatter parts when there aren’t too many people around.

 

Mostly though, they just walk slowly around hand in hand, enjoying the simple quiet of the trails. It’s the first time in a long time either of them can recall not hearing a din of city traffic in the background. All they can hear is the occasional bird call, leaves rustling in the breeze and the gentle scrape of their shoes. Kelley can breathe easier than she has in months and she see the light turning back on in Alex’s eyes so she knows she feels it too.

 

Once they get back to the car, Alex looks around in all directions to make sure no one is watching and then she pushes Kelley up against the passenger side door and kisses her for all she’s worth. It only lasts a couple seconds, but Alex feels more present in that kiss than she has since she got cut from the team.

 

Kelley has always believed Alex would get past it, but now it finally feels like Alex believes it too.

 

Kelley pulls Alex back in for a few seconds after she pulls away.

xxx

“Kelley, I can’t believe you did all this,” Alex gasps when Kelley takes off the blindfold and reveals where they’ll be having dinner tonight.

 

The one tradition Kelley and Alex have established since moving to Vancouver is having breakfast at least one day a week at this tiny little restaurant down by the water. The owners know them by name and always make sure their favorite table right by the window is available every morning at 7:30 just in case they stop by. They love looking out over the docks and watching the boats come and go. After breakfast, they’ll each get a coffee to go--Alex a small because she swears it’s all she wants and Kelley a medium because she knows Alex will end up drinking half of it--and they walk around the docks discussing what kind of boat they want to own one day and the far away lands they’ll sail to.

 

Kelley is convinced she’s going to learn how to sail one of these days. She’s gone as far as looking up classes and findest the most experienced instructor for the best price, she’s just never actually gone. Alex thinks it’s cute how defensive Kelley gets when she teases her about never following through with it. Part of Alex still thinks she never will, but Kelley swears it will happen one of these days.

 

Tonight, when Alex opens her eyes to see what Kelley’s big surprise is, she sees their favorite boat draped in white string lights with a table and two set up on the deck, roses and candles sitting on the table. It’s just a small white boat, with barely enough deck space for the table and chairs, but Kelley and Alex have always loved it because of the name painted across the hull in big, looping blue letters.

 

 _Always_.

 

It’s a word they’ve said to each other more times than they can count and it had seemed almost like fate when they were walking along the docks that first morning, creating stories for all the different names they saw. When they saw Always, they didn’t even need to make up a story. They were already living their own.

 

They’ve never seen the owner, but they kind of liked it that way. They like pretending it’s their boat and not some strangers.

 

“Babe, it’s your birthday. Of course I did all this,” Kelley grins beside her, leaning in to kiss her chin softly. “Come on.” She takes Alex’s hand and leads her down the little metal ramp that leads onto the boat.

 

Kelley in is full on romantic mode tonight, pulling out Alex’s chair for her and quickly lighting one of the candles that had gone out before she pushes play on the radio up by the steering wheel and a soft indie playlist full of all of Alex’s favorite songs starts playing quietly.

 

“Okay, but _how_ did you do all this?”

 

Kelley shrugs as she sits down across from Alex, pulling at the bottom of her black dress so it doesn’t wrinkle too much while she sits. “It wasn’t a big deal or anything. I asked around down here until I was able to track down who owned this boat and then I asked if I could rent it for the night. When I told him what it was for, he said he’s let us borrow it for free."

 

“Seriously? This guy just agreed to let some random woman he’s never met borrow his boat for the night without asking for anything in return?”

 

“Well he did ask for one thing. He made me promise we wouldn’t try to sail it,” Kelley says.

 

“Well of course, neither of us knows how to sail,” Alex teases.

 

Kelley grins, but then her face turns solemn. “It’s not just that. His wife died twelve years ago and now he only takes it out sailing on her birthday. The rest of the year it stays docked here, that way she always knows where to find him.”

 

Alex smiles softly and looks up to the night sky like there’s actually something to be seen up there. Kelley understands completely. 

 

“I knew this boat had a good story behind it,” Alex says, her voice soft like she’s worried she’ll ruin the moment if she talks too loudly.

 

“You were right,” Kelley agrees. She reaches across the table and takes one of Alex’s hands in her own. “But I like our story more.”

 

The stars in Alex’s eyes burn brightly at that.

xxx

**July 4th, 2011**

 

“Kelley, I don’t think we’re even allowed to be here right now,” Alex hisses, pressing her body tight up against Kelley’s back like she thinks that will make them more inconspicuous if they take up less space.

 

“Alex, I have a key, it’s not like we’re breaking in. I talked to Austin and he said it was totally cool. Don’t worry, this is all above board,” Kelley says gently, not wanting Alex to think she’s making fun of her for being so worried. Though honestly, the panicked look in Alex’s eyes is ridiculously adorable.

 

“Wait, Austin really said this was okay?” Alex asks, the tension in her shoulders visibly melting a bit knowing that the stadium coordinator had approved of this.

 

“He said as long as we stay off the field it’s totally fine.” Kelley swings open the door to BBC Place Stadium and smiles conspiratorially at Alex. “After you, my love.”

 

“I swear to god if we get arrested for this I’m totally throwing you under the bus,” Alex grumbles, pushing Kelley forward so she has to lead the way.

 

Kelley giggles and steps through the door first, locking it once Alex follows her. She pockets the key and then takes Alex’s hand, reaching for a light switch with her other hand and illuminating the tunnel below the stadium. “Babe, you know I would never do something that could get you in trouble, right?”

 

Alex groans, knowing Kelley’s right, and then avoids answering the question entirely. “I don’t even get why we’re here right now. What are we doing.”

 

“I told you, we’re having our own Fourth of July celebration. There was no way we were getting out of this holiday even if we are in another country.”

 

“We should have just gone down to Seattle for the night like the rest of my American teammates did. Then we could have actually seen fireworks.” Alex is pouting, upset that her favorite holiday and their honorary anniversary isn’t being celebrated to maximum potential.

 

“Trust, me this is the next best thing,” Kelley tells her, leading her through the tunnel to the staircase that leads them up into the bleachers. She checks her watch and then starts walking a little faster.

 

“Why do you keep checking your watch?” Alex asks, following along diligently, though whether that’s because she actually wants to or is just worried about getting left behind and getting blamed for breaking and entering on her own, Kelley isn’t quite sure. She’d go with the latter though if she had to bet.

 

“You’ll find out in four minutes,” is Kelley’s only response.

 

Kelley leads Alex up through the bleachers, paying close attention to the rows until she finds the right one she’s looking for and heads towards the middle. Alex notices the bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket next to two champagne flutes and stops dead in her tracks.

 

“Is someone else here?” She hisses, knowing Kelley has been with her all day and couldn’t have put this here. The lowlights are on so she whips her head all around looking for who could have left the bottle.

 

“Stevie was like twenty minutes ago, but she’s gone now.”

 

“The tech girl? Why was she here? What the hell is going on?”

 

“You’ll find out in two minutes,” Kelley tells her, sitting down in one of the seats and patting the one next to her. “Now come on, sit down and get ready.”

 

“This is like super sketchy, I just hope you know that,” Alex mumbles, reluctantly sitting down next to Kelley.

 

“It’ll all make so much more sense soon.” Kelley reaches down for the bottle and glasses.

 

“You know, I really shouldn’t be drinking the night before a game,” Alex says. “Then again it’s not like I’m actually going to play,” she adds with a self deprecating scoff.

 

Kelley ignores the self insult and elects to just focus on the first part instead. “It’s nonalcoholic, so you’re good.” She pours them each a glass and then puts the bottle back in the ice bucket. She takes a long sip out of her glass and then looks at her watch. “7…6…5…4…3…”

 

“What the hell is happening?”

 

Alex barely gets the question out before the jumbotron hanging above the stadium flashes on and a video of fireworks suddenly lights up the stadium with vibrant shades of colors.

 

Alex’s eyes go wide as she realized this was Kelley’s surprise all along. Even in another country, Kelley still figured out a way to bring a little piece of America to them. Her eyes are turning glassy as she turns to Kelley.

 

“How did you do this?”

 

“Stevie set the video on a timer for me. She said it physically pained her to help in the celebrations of an American holiday, but her girlfriend is still in Germany for a few more weeks so I think she was feeling sentimental.”

 

“Kell, this is amazing,” Alex sighs, leaning in to kiss her. “Seriously, first my birthday and now this? I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” she whispers against her lips.

 

“Honestly?” Kelley asks, pausing like she’s about to say something profound, but her little smirk before she answers her own question gives her away and Alex is rolling her eyes before Kelley’s even able to say, “I only do all this because you look like _that_. You’re way out of my league so I have to work extra hard to impress you. You’re like stupid hot Alexandra.”

 

“I should’ve known you’d eventually hit your threshold on all the romance and succumb to your frat boy ways eventually,” Alex teases.

 

“We literally met at a frat party. What do you expect?” Kelley deadpans, then she shushes Alex. “Now be quiet, you’re missing the fireworks.”

 

“We both know it was never just about the fireworks,” Alex whispers right against Kelley’s ear. She places the softest of kisses there and then rests her head on Kelley’s shoulder and turns her attention back to the jumbotron. “I love you, Kell.”

 

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

 

The fireworks display lasts about 15 minutes and honestly, for an artificial show, it’s one of the best Kelley has ever seen. She makes a mental note to find out where Stevie got the video from. Knowing her it was probably from a Canada Day celebration, she’d never want to fully commit to an American holiday. Either way, Kelley knows she needs to thank her again big time for this because it turned out way better than she imagined it would.

 

After the fireworks end, Alex starts to stand up, but Kelley puts a hand on her knee to stop her. “Hang on, we aren’t leaving yet.”

 

Alex looks worried, like she still isn’t completely convinced they’re allowed to be here right now, but she leans back in her seat. “You do remember I have a game tomorrow, right?”

 

“It’s barely eight o’clock,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “This will only take a couple minutes, though. I want to talk to you about something.”

 

“Okay,” Alex says slowly, drawing out the word to show her confusion.

 

“I want you to look right down there on that field,” Kelley says, pointing to the center circle. “I want you to look there and I want you to imagine yourself standing right there, raising the World Cup with your team in four years.”

 

“Kelley,” Alex warns, shaking her head. “Stop it, I don’t want to talk about this.”

 

“I know you don’t, but we need to. Just a little bit. You’ve been beating yourself up over this for weeks and I’ve been careful not to push it, but I need you to know how much I believe in you, okay Alex? In four years, you’re _going_ to be out there. I don’t have a single doubt in my mind.”

 

Alex blinks away a few tears and then she finally looks out where Kelley’s still pointing. She stares hard, like she’s trying her damndest to see it, but Kelley has a feeling it isn’t working. That’s okay, though. Kelley doesn’t need her to believe it right now. Kelley believes it enough for the both of them.

 

“The way I see it, you have two choices. You can choose to dwell on the fact you got cut from the roster, or you can choose to move forward and do everything you can to ensure there’s no way in hell you get left off the next one. The choice is yours and whatever you choose I’ll support you just like I do in everything, but I think you and I both know there’s a right a wrong choice here.”

 

Alex squeezes her eyes shut and Kelley knows she’s trying to force herself to imagine it, to vividly picture the dream she used to dream so hard for herself. She told Kelley the very first night they met about her plan and while part of it may not have worked out, Kelley never gave up. Kelley just wants to remind Alex that she shouldn’t either.

 

“You’ve always been so determined to encourage me in this dream,” Alex finally says, opening her eyes and looking at Kelley. “Even before we really knew each other, you always believe in me. Why?”

 

Kelley doesn’t even hesitate before she answers. “Because I knew the very first moment I saw you that you were destined for bigger things than I think even you realized. There was just…there was _something_ about you and I just knew that you were special.”

 

“Thank you,” Alex says softly. “You have no idea how much it means to me to know you believe in me so much. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to deal with these past few weeks, but I’m trying.”

 

“I know you are,” Kelley smiles. “I know.”

 

Alex leans in like she’s about to kiss her and then freezes just as their lips start to brush. “Do you want to know what I thought about you the first time I saw you?” She asks.

 

“That I looked ridiculously hot in those jeans?” Kelley grins, waggling her eyebrows.

 

Alex rolls her eyes, but she lets Kelley get away with it. “That night, yes, you did look hot in those jeans, but the first time I saw you, you weren’t wearing jeans.”

 

Kelley’s eyebrows fold together in confusion. “What are you talking about? I only ever had on jeans that night.”

 

“That night wasn’t the first time I ever saw you,” Alex admits, biting her lips nervously.

 

Kelley’s eyebrows crease even further. “Wait, what? Are you being serious right now?”

 

“Completely serious. The first time I saw you was actually almost two years before you first saw me.”

 

“Whoa, what?” Kelley practically shouts. “What are you talking about, when?”

 

Alex grins at how much Kelley is squirming, trying to figure out the answer, so she takes her hand in hers and then admits a little secret she’s kept from Kelley these past few years.

 

“It was my freshman year and we were at Stanford for a preseason scrimmage. We were still basking in the new sense of freedom, so once the coaches dismissed us, a couple of my friends and I went for a walk around campus during down time before the game,” Alex tells her. “You were with Christen coming out of the bookstore and she must have just said something funny because you threw your heading back laughing and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.” Alex grins, clearly remembering that day in vivid detail. “I thought you were so fucking pretty and all I wanted was to walk up and introduce myself, but in those few seconds I cooked up this idea of you in my head and I was worried if I actually spoke to you, the idea would be shattered. So I just decided to hold onto the memory,” Alex admits.

 

Kelley’s grinning, shaking her head like she still can’t believe Alex actually kept this from her. “How did I not know that?”

 

Alex shrugs, turning her grin back up and aiming it right at Kelley. “I was still holding onto the memory, I guess.”

 

“Soooooo,” Kelley says, her eyes giving way to how curious she is. “How did I measure up to the idea you had of me?”

 

“Oh the idea was totally shattered,” Alex admits, laughing at the way Kelley’s jaw actually drops. “But only because you’re so much better than I ever could have expected.”

 

“Nice save,” Kelley says with a sarcastic laugh.

 

“Nice _everything_ ,” Alex counters, looking Kelley up and down.

 

“Now who’s the frat boy?”

 

“You,” Alex answers, leaning in to press her lips against Kelley’s. “Always you.”

 

**July 5th, 2011**

 

Alex doesn’t get to play a single minute in the game.

 

She can feel herself wasting away on the bench and she doesn’t know what she can do about it.

 

Kelley asks her on the car ride home if she’s okay.

 

She lies and says she is.

 

Kelley pretends she believes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @wnnbh12!


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